“American Airlines flight 1051 now boarding passengers with small children or needing special assistance at the Advantage A-1 station. Welcome aboard!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was January in Chicago. It had taken me two hours to slush through the fifteen miles of ever-increasing snow from Evanston to O’Hare Airport to make my noon flight to Los Angeles. The de-icers on the runway were in full-blown fury. I didn’t have much hope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I stood next to the American Airlines check-in desk at Terminal 3 Gate K-16, waiting for them to call my group. They had already gone through First Class, Business Class, Premier AA-XYZ Class, Kids, Special Assistance, and Folks Who Like To Show Off Their Bling Class. I was in Group Z.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A short, slightly plump guy with black receding hair came running up to the check-in desk carrying an iced Venti-something from Starbucks, a thick winter coat over his arm and trailing a black rolling carry-on bag with gold Gucci insignias plastered over the exterior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Are you still boarding the flight to L.A.?” he gasped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There were two desk attendants. They looked at each other. The attendant on the left replied with a smile, “This is the flight to Santa Ana, sir…John Wayne…”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“That’s what I meant!” the putz interrupted, shaking his head in exasperation. “Do I have time to go to the bathroom?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The same attendant said, “Yes, sir, but…”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The little guy turned and ran off, bobbing and weaving against the incoming crowd with his Starbucks, overcoat and rolling bag, while pulling out his iPhone with his other hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Hello, Linda?” I heard him say as he bumped into three people on his way to relief. “We need to talk…” and he disappeared into the throng.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I chuckled and asked the attendant, “Is that a common question?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The attendant on the left raised her eyebrows, nodded and said, “Yes…very.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The second, more senior attendant standing at the adjoining station looked up, glanced at the other attendant, then looked back at me and said, “I tell them: ‘You have eight minutes…your choice.'”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A disembodied voice in the ceiling mumbled, “We are sorry to announce Flight 1051 to LAX has been delayed. Now scheduled for departure at 4:15pm. We apologize for the delay. To repeat…”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I turned to the first attendant and said, “Do I have time to go to the bathroom?”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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